someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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