I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
