I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Randomize
