i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
