I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
