she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
