There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
