I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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