so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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