so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I supernannyed him into submission
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
