she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
