Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
