hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
