Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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