I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
