im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
