now i know why i became what i already was.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
