i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
