so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize