My underwear smells like fireworks.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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