just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We need to rekindle our bromance
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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