So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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