Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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