Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
