dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
