i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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