I need help removing her.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dear god my vagina.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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