I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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