lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
