He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
