If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
