I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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