Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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