: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
