I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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