drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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