I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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