Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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