My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How does it feel to date your dad?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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