K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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