i just google imaged poop.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
