this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
