mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
