I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
