Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
