Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
