May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
