I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
