he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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