i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
