No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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