I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i drank out of a bidet.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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