More tranny stories later!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
