Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
