Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pants are for mortals
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
