If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
