some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
