I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
