i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
