smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
