And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
