i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
