He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
