Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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