she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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