trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
