You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
