Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
