none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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