did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
