I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
