I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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