your room smells of hookers.
And success
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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