never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
