Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
